im here again..went cell group today..and its our thanksgiving cellgroup today hahaz..the sermon was great manz..keys to release my future to God..firstly:Worry about nothing..secondly:Pray about everything..thirdly:Thank God in all things..and also this[ A Champion is not someone who never fail, A champion is someone who never quits]so we must keep on keeping on.we must never give up!!

for the upcoming year2005..my resoulution for the year2005 is to study hard and stop skipping school hahaz..and grow a level higher in my spiritual walk haha..and..get into a ministy!!i wan to serve God!!

today cell group was so fun..people turn mad..laugh non-stop lohz.haha..like anne..she's like so funny..we were at yasi's house.playing with yasi's cute but fat chiwawa..the chiwawa is big okie..the biggest of all man...anne wanted to tell yasi that her dog is good..den she call for yasi...saying:yasi.....den yasi came...den anne say:good dog..man!!!!everyone laugh!!!is anne saying yasi a good dog?haha no la..anne is trying to tell yasi that her dog is a good dog..haha..and somemore abt teng hong..the sit up thing..ahhaa!!and jae..singing that jabez song!!haha..i love that song..and the 4 da tian wang..eating the food..haha..marvin lost to annie!!haa..i love my cg so much!!

i really missed christmas celebrationg lehz..can replay the drama?haha..prefer the part where jabez[bro zhisen] was singing that so touching wanna cry song...and i like the breakdancers...so li hai worz..hahah

hmm..im gonna study at the regional campus[simei ite] studying office skills..hee..well..i wanted tourism..but nv choose me..but my result can go in lehz..why nv take me!!!sigh nvm..office oso hai hao..sigh..

been eating chicken rice for many days..haha..im really a hainanese chicken rice lover haha..i love the chilli sauce and the rice..and oso the chicken..haha so yummyyy....the chicken rice at far east is much more nicer..but cheaper is my house downstair de haha!chicken rice taste delicious man..haha!yum yum..

new year is coming...i cant wait for the new year to come...cant wait to see and do what God has planned for me...haha!!

today i enjoy so much...i love my cg members...they are the best!!!love you all..

-fly-

Dear all..im finally back to blog!!finally..know why i so long never blog?coz..this jessie aka stm gal..forgot to bring the net bill for payment.haha!so got suspended..so now i've got back.ahah..so im back again!!haha..

during christmas eve..i've enjoyed loads manz..haha..went to the Singapore Indoor Stadium..ahah!had so much fun..the dramas...so funny..haha!and i brought along who???joanna!!my darling hhaa!!and ofcoz my cute cousin alice..im so glad that the both of them enjoyed so much that they wanted to come to join the church again!haha..then after service..we went down town..man..the place is sooooooooo messy..people are spraying things at each other..man..what has the world becoming to?they dirtied the place..just spray at people they dun even know..sighhhh...

spent my christmas with joanna darling together with amanda baobei..haha..and ting..haha..went to take neoprint again..haha..joanna..u owe me a meal for being late for christmas gathering..!!!haha!

this month...went to watch alot of shows..well not alot la..but..more then the usual..ahaha..went to watch shutter-not that scary..-seed of chuckywondering y i can watch worz..ahah..i look mature lahz haha!den..kungfu huster..so funny..den phantom of the opera...the show ah??eh..not bad la..some of my frenz fall asleep while watching..but i just watch loh..but that show..im not so interested in that la..just admire their way of singing..hahaha!!!

today went out with joanna..went to watch kungfu huster at lido..hha..today rainy day..sianz..bought earrings..haha i like...so nice..got one pink colour de worz.haha.went to esplanade to have dinner..haha..so full..

well that's all...

take care everyone..

-gOne-

im back.went to raffles city to work today.today was a bz day at Precious Thots.hmm..so many people come and buy gifts..well it's christmas haha..

nothing much happen..im just a little sad over my N level results..sigh.din do well..got 13point lehz.last year do much more better sia.sigh.well..im just gonna use my last year cert to go ite liao.sigh.more jian de liao ren..hahaz..

well..today im a very powerful person.living with just 2sips of water in the morning till nightime and no food in my stomach from morning till nightime.haha..am i powerful?haha!well im just mad lahz haha..i was so hungry when i reach home..all i can do was to ask my maid to cook maggie for me..hhaa..den...............

shar called me..sia la i tot i did something wrong..she sounded so fierce so serious.she said:jessie.where are u now?i got something to tel u.something very important.don't cry after i tel u.so i said.okie..wad is it..she said..we all are coming over to ya place de porridge to eat!!i was like....erm.........okiee...who are e we all?haha they are..jae annie mike and shar la.haha..den tok tok loh..i went down loh haha..shar so funny..make me tot i really did something wrong sia..

nothing to type into my blog..sianz..

christmas...christmas...can't wait for christmas to come...

goneeee

hello readers.hmm just got home from work.today went to work at campass point.sigh..so far can.but well.i don't really mind a lot lahz haha..

regarding that 2 sad sad entry i typed..i was real sad that time.had never been so sad before hahaz.but well..that time i made a wrong choice..i chose to run away from the problem..and i just want to be quiet.don't talk..just leave me alone..well that is obviously a wrong decision i made..and i even ignore my cgl.cant u believe it..she sms me..wanna tok to me..call me..i reject the call..sigh..im really sorry abt it..but well..tt time i almost went totally down...i really cant take it loh..sigh..i just gotta go through it..i know that this is a test..i don't want to be such a weak gal..i want to grow a level higher haha..in my spiritual walk..hee..

hmm..today work went fine..nothing is wrong haha..

christmas is coming....i love christmas....

[[ 16th December 2004 ]]

im back home.looking at my nai nai sleeping i feel at eased..at least i know she is there.

hanging around town today.getting bored everytime.town is so boring already.singapore is so small.i want to go other country.now...i wish to stay in taiwan forever.i don't want to live here..wad a pathetic place im in..at least my dad is there..i can do what i want and like..doesn't mean in singapore i can't..im just not a happy person here anymore..i've lost everything..i cant be who i used to be anymore..im beginning to hate myself..

but i had fun with joanna today.at least she will accompany me in this times..my words don't kill her..she knows me just too well..her words don't kill me..she don't use words on me..not even one word..she don't have those attitude when she is around me and i really love her to bits.as my dearly friend ofcoz.she listens..she understands..she knows..if she know she is wrong she will do something..but unlike some people..awwwwww that is such a sad thing right..awwww pooor people..

went esplanade..talk alot..my happy sad angry..all the suan tian ku la..i told her all..

people..learn to shut up.its wrong to tell people how you feel.just shut up kayz.

i don't wanna blow things up.i'll just step aside and do nothing.i'll no longer be me again...

you won by kicking me back into the sad well..thank you so much..

the pain in hell..it's so painful..

i guess you will never ever understand.you make my life worsen..you make me feel so lost..you make me feel im so useless..you make me feel im not good at anything..not even talking...

i can no longer hold on tight..i can no longer smile seriously..i can no longer do anything anymore..i know u are great..i know..but so what..you are great in anything..u are always ahead me..but so?

dirty ugly filthy words flashing in my mind.but i wanna to be a person of Godliness..but...i dunoo if i can ever be..

well..thanks to you..i've lost..you won..

the world is bad..i came from the word into the Kingdom of God but i met people that....sigh..no words to describ..its just so sad..

[[ a happy smile dosen't mean a happy heart..]]

[[ 15th December 2004 ]]

sometimes i wish i can make people around me happy.sometimes i wish my prescence won't make people feel bored.sometimes.....sometimess....

i would never like to feel sad.i would never want to feel sad.and i would never want to live a life that is full of suffering again..be it sadness,pain..or whatever.

what i do seems to be wrong.what i say seems to be wrong.so all are my fault.

sometimes living in this pathetic world make me feel so hurt.sometimess....sometimess...

no one is here..hello anyone there?no one..so quiet..............................so so so quiet....life is full of pain.yuck.

the world is so dark.meet so many people.with mask on their face.with different mood which seems to be like having moodswings everyday.

is life that bad?i thought life is full of happiness?or is it a wrong thought of mine?

is smiling a good thing?is friendly a good thing?is caring a good thing?well i think all are bad now.

i don't ask for payback.i don't want anything in return.i know it's always better to give than to recieve.but..sometimes i can't afford seeing the mood or whatever i received..sometimes....sometimess....sometimesss.......it just hurts me so much....

no use talking to me.i will listen..but you will feel that im just being sensitive..over-reacted..you will never understand how my heart feels...i never like to assume.i've recieved bad cannings if i assume..well that was my past..but things just go like this..i just assume..

i feel so bored.life is so miserable..am i just trying to be emotional?

my heart is broken..by the way people are treating me..does that show that im a weak person?

well..so i am a bad girl afterall.

don't be my friend..im a bad person..i always speak wrong words.im not a person with good words anyway....

im not a good counsellor..im just lousy am i right?

my words give people stress..so im not a person with good words..im not good at talking...well im just not good at anything don't you agree..

how would others feel if i were to show them how bad mood i am today?or did i ever shown them?

sometimes......sometimes....i just want to let go of everything.i don't want to think,do,hear,feel.can i just stop the time?im nothing..im a useless person.rubbish person..sometimess....sometimesss....

my eyes teared..my heart got stabbed..it was soooo painful...people says:jessie,you are being emotional here..

sometimes....sometimes...i have times when i feel sad down..feel life is so miserable..who can help me?my ans is..no one..not even my closest adviser...

i feel so sad..why?i don't know why..im just acting to be good..acting...i am a bad girl..

sometimess...sometimess..i want to dry up my tears..i want to stop tearing..the feeling of forcing yourself not to tear..it's so difficult..i can hardly breathe..

i don't want to hear anything.im a loner.i feel so bored..im alone..nothing seems to be fun for me..nothing seems to be interesting for me..closing myself in my room seems to be great..just staring and the computer...how i wish i can just sleep..

talking seems to be nothing already.i feel bored whenever i talk to anyone.talking is bad..so just shut up.

i have got to hang in there right?well..i tried..but i decided to give up.i don't want to do anything anymore.i give up..totally..

i know im not a perfect person.i may do things wrong some way or another.i may have attitude..but from what i know about myself..i don't show them out.i've learn not to show my feelings out..now i've learnt a new thing.just shut up.step aside.do nothing.

im imperfect.i may have a bad character..but i've change..for the better..but why i feel worse?being good to others make me feel so bad..from all the attitude i've got..it shows that being good is not a good thing also...

leave me alone.im a loner.im nothing.just jessie.im falling deeper into the sad well..how can i climb up?the one step i take to go up..someone will eventaully kick me down........................................

im not trying to be negative..i want to be positive in everything single thing i do.but everything turns out negative...............the ans is there..im nothing..

sometimes...i wonder who am i?i wonder what type of person i am?but now i guess i've found my answers to my wonders...im a girl with words that aint good enough..im a negative person..emotional person...now it seems so new to me..am i back to my past?i hate my past i hate everything i did in my past..i hate...the past door is welcoming me back there..i think i have fallen deeper into the sad well.....im drowned..do u understand how i feel now????well i guess you don't and you never will..i just feel so down...why am i like this?what have gotten into me?

a sad little loner with words that make people feel sad and emtional problem that will just cause others trouble..negative mindset....im nothing.

[[im not like that..but these days..people causes me to feel this way i am feeling now..noone knows..some try to know but still they don't know..noone understand me..or shall i say..noone knows jessie?]]

im lost but noone save me..im hurt but noone heal me..

...i don't want to do a thing..im a loser..nothing i do cheers people up..people come saying HUH!...CAPITAL words somemore.

slient night..lonely night..

sometimes..sometimes.....

goneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee............

whOOoooo finally im home haha!today work very far lehz..bishan sigh..nvm got $$ earn..haha..mmm..today my leg super pain lehz...stand for 9 an a half hours wor..haha..

today...serve a bapok transexual wan..sigh.."she"is soo soft-spoken..all the staff notice "her" all nv serve let me serve so i serve loh..afterall still human lai de..

the people in the shop..abit not friendly wan lehz..nv talk de..walk pass me oso nv smile abit sia..like treat me transparent..den onli one newcomer and me become frens haha..tt new comer super friendly lehz..but i forgot her name..i only know she from nyjc de..

working at precious thots is not so tough..haha i like the job..eventhough its tiring...which job not tiring lehz haha..today..my first time in this year sweep de floor leh...i good right..hee...i noticed i very long nv sweep the floor le hhaa..but sweeping the floor..quite fun haha!

anyway im tired..lazy to type..hee.. take care people!! tmr i off wor haha!!!

-gone-

dear all..im back..hee..today is my first day of work...but i tell u wad..i always meet wierd people...with wierd management planning...nv organise things properly..sigh y i always kana likdat de?hahaha...but well got money earn..this trouble...i dun mind going through..

know why i say they got wierd management planning..it goes like this,they told me to work at Great World City on the 13thdec..and just like e same..i wake up and dress very nicely there..took cab oso..and know wad..i reached there..everyone stared at me..like huh?how come u are here?so the person in-charge called lenny the overall in-charge..den they push faults to each other loh..sae not me loh is you loh..likdat worz..y i know they push fault?coz amanda sae hey dun push fault at me when u ask jessie to come on the 13 and its today..

den i was being ask to go over to paragon to work..so i go loh..but i tot i will be fixed there..sadly NOOOO!!!tmr i gotta go bishan!and its like so far loh..tt lenny still sae will post me to somewhere near my home...all fake words..den i will have to go raffles city...sigh....nvm...got money take nvm....i ren...hahaha

well today...work went fine..nothing wrong..just cant sit down and rest only..haha have to stand all the day..my whole body was in pain when i was working..haha..so i keep walking ard the place haha...admire all the precious moment figurines...haha so nice.....i love it sooooo much...they are just sooooo cute...i tell u ah..got ppl will really love them so much that they will compare the figures and give comments like this one the eye too small the face like drunk..this one like sleep too long face too plain den this one face like drink too much milk..this one look like ah lian..this wan colour nicer...waaa....so many comments wan..hahaha

today everything goes on well..nothing is wrong haha..tt all..haha i lazy to type le..take care people..

[love you guys]

here i am again..yesterday went for cellgrp meeting over at anne's place..we had a great meeting..ytd shar preached abt Godliness...and ofcoz i want to be a person who is Godly..haah..and wad does Godliness means?it means that i live for God and Jesus..and there's a sentence that caught my attention..it says:Do not let your anger goes down with the sun..hmm..den ytd..after cg..we fellowship..man...noticed that the cg has two groups of people..they are the ji zha gong and ji zha po..haha..we tok and tok for sooooo long haha..den jason show us the push up thing..waaa...jae..u very li hai lehz..haha..still got the snake type wan haha..den can hear le click crack sound of jae bone haha...jae ni lao le..bone bu zong yong..haha!!joking!!haha it was fun yesterday..miss cg sooo much...haha..

den xin er came over my place and stay..heehee..we chat very long..and when we are abt to zzz....something happen to me..guess wad...my stomach pain can...and is like pain like maDDDD...pain till i wear extra jacket and one more t-shirt..that t-shirt is to cover my stomach haha..my stomach was so pain till my hand got goosebump ahaha..so pain can..went to visit the toilet THRICE somemore...see how pain can it be...THRICE in less den HALf an HoUr lehz..haha..

den went shopping at orchard with xin er today haha..we took neoprints..!!!haha we are looking so great in the pictures..i just love it so much!!next time should take again haha..and use same machine ya?haha..well dun forget the machine name..it's KAREN..haha..after taking neoprints..we went to delifrance...wow..the place is crowded man....and the place is warm loh...sigh...too many ppl that's y..haha..den we ate beef bolognaise..wow...it taste delicious!!!guys..go try it...soooo nice can...now i feel like eating it again haha...but cannot eat too much...later will put on weight haha..

den after walking ard at takashimaya...i tired liao..but still can tahan haha...den xin er go and look for her sis at tangs while i go home haha..need to rest..tmr start work le..hopefully tmr i will make more frens...haha..hopefully i wun meet ppl tt hates me..haha..well..im oso not those re ren yan de ren..so...hahaa..

and i deleted my previous entry..coz shar tok abt blog..saying that we cannot use our blog as a prayer subsititude..so i deleted the entry..and that entry din have much nice words..it was all my anger..so not good..

well..tt all for now..haha...take care people..

im here again..just woke up..it's raining over at my place...then got shan tian and thunder..wad sia..scare me can the shan tian..im alone at home sia..sianzzzzzzz....y my life so lonely?but well..i still have God and my cgl..so no worries la..

im hungry lehz..house no food..only got cereal biscuit lehz..sad sia.haha..but i on diet la..so nvm..im listening to music..the same music im listening everyday..haha..its[kiss-because im a girl][3T-i need you][Nsync-laast christmas]...

these days..been feeling sad..restless..lazy..dunno why..ytd while talking to shar..i cried all out..telling shar i miss my gong gong..i cant stop missing him..but i know i gotta stop missing him..it's been so long le..but i still cant accept that he had already left me..wad can i do?i love him sooo much..i only have gong gong and nai nai with me..now my gong gong left me..nai nai is alone..left the both of us in the house together with the maid..wilson dun come home everyday as he need to serve NS..when he comes home..he will go out and play..ytd after church..i was rushing home just because i know wilson is coming home..i walk as fast as i can..but when i reach home..all i can smell is the cigratte smell..it's shows that wilson just left the house..and so i called him..he said"i'm not coming home today..i'm going out with my fren jerage"wad can i sae..i only sae okie..byee..

i was sad because i feel so alone...it's sooooooo alone...my house is sooooo super quiet..noone is there to pei me..talk to me..when gong gong is around he will be playing with me..and im so used to his coughing sound and dragging chair sound..now i cant hear anything..he already left me..totally gone le..i miss him so so so much...from the day at the burial till now...i have not go to the cemetry to see him..i miss seeing his face..massaging his hand..talking to him..i remember the day b4 he pass off...i was feeding him honeydew and water..he finish all the honeydew and the whole cup of water..tt was like wow it was so great..gong gong finaaly will finish eating something..know y..ever since gong gong got admitted to NUH he eat less den five spoonful each meal..how can his body take it..and i went to the hospital to visit him..i bought food for him..sweet and sour pork..sui dan and i forgot wad le..he eat some..eventhough it's not all..he still eat..he want me to feel happy tt he ate the food i bought..im happy that he ate the food..but wad sadden me was when i look at his eyes...the eyes look soooo yellow..his whole body is sooo yellow...it hurts me soooo much when i see him likdat..he dun talk to me anymore..the last day was when he was playing with me just few days b4 he went off..i miss hearing his voice...i regretted for tt day i did not sit by his bed and accompany him..i was watching tv...i tot he want to rest so i went to watch tv..i dunno if he did call for me..coz i cant hear him..i want to ask him if he did call for me now..i will go to him..but he is gone...i really want to see my gong gong..i miss him soooooo much....i miss his smile...the last smile was the day he played with me...the last time he called me meimei was that day we talked...i showed him the photograph of him my grandma and me my bro and dad...he rem me-when i was young-but not the me-now-he remember my nainai..he rem my dad..and i forgot abt bro..i want to hear him calling me again..but i know it's impossible..i myself dun want to be in this situation....but i just cant help it..i know i will be out of this situation soon...pls bear with me..

later im going for cgm..it starts at 7pm...cant wait to go..hopefully i wun see attitude sad dull face..

-gone-

heez..been back home for quite awhile le..hee..didn't want to blog actually..but well..nothing to do..so blog loh.haa..

today..woke up early to meet darren felicia and jun hhaa..go where?ahah Singapore Science Center..it was so fun!haha...we spent the entire afternoon there...till the time when science center gotta close down hhaa...saw so many thing..haha..like the smell of those stinky food..our heartbeat all tt...and..human body..den..play the simulater haha..so fun...scream scream haha...

went cozy bay with the same ppl haha..sat there the highest place..the atmosphere is soooooooo great..had fun chatting with them..they are so funny..and we played the zhong ji mi ma..haha..so fun...

well..tired day today...lazy to type le..

take care pplz..

hello everyone..hee just got home..from town hee..went shopping and then slack in town..today saw so many frens in town...haha...

sigh..just got home my nai nai cry..she sae she worried for me..scared i nv eat all those..sigh..she feel lonely..when she wake up and go to aunt's office..i will be sleeping..when i go out she reached home...when i reach home she watching tv while i stay in my room..we totally never talk much..sigh..i dunno wad to do..i really wish to spend more time with her..i cant wait to get my pay...i wanna bring nai nai out...nai nai says she always think of me..even when she is in aunt's office...all the day her mind is thinking of me...it hurts me so much when i see her crying..lying on the bed..crying..telling me her feelings..i went to hug her..i wan her to know that im here..i will nv leave her..i love my nai nai so much..i cant live a day without her..she was always with me by my side..taking care of me since young..

[im feeling so moody now.dun feel like talking and typing]

hi people..im back here again..i wanna share with you guys something..a problem whereby i was so shocked with...

on fri i was in the train to church..i received a phone call..from where?Precious thots..i was so happy..i cant wait to start work right away..and the person in-charge told me tt im starting work on sun..the 12th december..and i think she said 12th december from 12-10..but i mistook it as this sun the 5th december 12-10..and i happily wake up early and bathe and dress nicely and packed extra clothing coz i dun wanna be ppl to laugh at me again..i was wearing my fav pink top and my jeans and slippers there den i packed my black pants and brought along my covered shoe and sock la..den i bring comb and rubber band jus incase i gotta tie up my hair..and i even took a cab there..i wanna be early..so excited jessie went off to "work"!

i reach Precious Thots great world city..step in..and look at the person at the counter..i told her i am here to work..im jessie..and she call lenny..the overall in charge...and tok very long den sae..erm..u are suppose to work on the 12..not 5..i was like...deep in my heart i was so shock man!i check my phone calendar..i recorded it on the 12!!why i come on the 5??am i mad?sigh..den she gave me my schedule and im starting work on the 13th..sigh..i told joanna..she laugh..shar oso laugh..haha..i first time likdat..dunno wad happen to me...i cant believe that i can be so lagggggg....but shar sae im always late..so todae early good...i sae early?advance week..haha!

God..i pray that i will not be so blur...i will not be so forgetful..i even record the timing the day i should work..God i pray that you will guide me all the time..amen..
[SIGH]

went out with joanna and felicia ytd..we went to take neo prints..wow we are all looking so beautiful!!!joanna and felicia are new to each other..well i intro de okie haha!den we chit chat..tok tok tok..and walk along orchard..after tt we meet darren and ah jun..as u all can see...im short..felicia taller den me i think joanna tallest i think..can say tallest among the shortest!!!haha..den we crossing the road..darren cant see us..he sae we too short..haha..den we tok tok walk walk..went to esplanade for some drinks and chit chat..sitting by the sea..wow..so cold..ahha..the atmosphere is so great..den i was so thirsty..i ordered orange juice..i finished almost half..haha..then chit chat..tt ah jun got me so paiseh can..i just compliment a waiter saying he look handsome..but i told darren they all la..den ah jun ask the waiter to come..and then ask..can he have one more ice chocolate..den jun ask again..here got sell cigratte anot..i was like..pls lehz..we are at high class place..then darren sae u think u at those coffeeshop isit?haha..joanna and me laugh man..haha..den jun sae..anyway..this gal sae u very handsome...the waiter look at me..den i was like haha..haha...haha..den i dunno wad to do..i was just complimenting on a guy who look great!!nothing wrong wad..i oso compliment gals who look great ma..den jun think i like tt guy!!he is mad!!den ah jun sae he wan tt guy!i was like huH?u gay mehz?jun is mad...but well..jun is a great entertainer..den he keep saying he going army liao in chi[jin bing] he should not have said that..he should have said[dang bin]so he said [jin bing] i ask..so when [chu bing]?he reply..i forgot wad he sae la..den i sae..u can sae [jin bing]i will ask so when [chu bing] tt is dunno wad go buried thing la..u know...ppl die will chu bing wan..haha..den everyone laugh haha!!

ytd i was so scared and worried for joanna..coz is like..she had never and i mean NEVER been out till so late and the time is like 12+++going to 1..den i scared her papa and mama will locked her out..and scared she got scolded...cos really her first time can..haha..den..i faster take cab with her..den send her to her house downstair..den i took cab back to esplanade to continue...den reach liao..felicia gotta go..her papa call liao..so all go home..den i call wil..wil was at bugis celebrating birthday..today is my brother's birthday!!happy birthday kor kor..haha..den i bought lighter for him..very cutttteee wan..haha..den he like it alot..well smoker la..haa..that lighter can refill wan..but its not zippo..hahah...i was at the cafe...den wilson hugggggg me....arGHHHHHH first time sia...my brother hug me on his bdae..den i first time give him present haha!!i buy wan k..haha..i thank God for my bro...we both had changed...to be more loving to each other..care..love..share..help..so good...Thank God...den went to eat..and finally reach home ard 3++am ahaha!!together with the gf..haha

i tell u...i think my bro and i one of the kind..we zzz is like we king and queen...we will occupy the whole bed..i share room with bro..he in army so i queen of the room..so i put the single bed together..so my bro come back we zzz together la..den..ytd the gf zzz in the middle...so we both sqeeze her..haha i think he tio sqeezed so jia lat..she went to zzz on the floor!!!haha...im so sorry abt tt haha..

well think tt all for now..todae im blur man..cant take my lagness..sigh..and my forgetfulness...haha..

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hi my dear faithful readers!im home!!hmm..i just reach home worz..went birthday party and chalet yesterday..i was like rush here and dere..for the birthday party is really cannot dun go de.is must go want..den for chalet is also cannot dun go de..cant blame..im hao ren..darren ask me if i can accompany his gf in the chalet..so ask me to stay over..i cant believe it..its the first chalet that i ever attend with onli 4 ppl left in the chalet..and that includes me....the ppl are..ah jun..darren..felicia and me...2 guys 2 gals..but well we are okie with it..coz we are frenz for so long..few years liao haha!so we just tok and tok...eat and eat...and the guys very kind wan..cook food for us!haha..

then felicia and i just tok our gal tok in the room where there is just the both of us..share alot..i find that felicia is very friendly worz..haha!she shares her problems with me and im very happy that she is willing to tel me..like she got noone to turn to when she needs someone to tok with..she feel very depressed...i wan to be closer to her i dun wan her to feel so sad all the time..life is full of happiness...it is just that how u live your life..

and then we were like so full and bored after all the eating...haha..so we decided to go for bicycle ride..haha..the gals are always the very fortunate wan...so darren ride felicia and ah jun with me..haha..we are sitting behind them la..like as if ah jun and darren our driver-bicycle driver- haha..we just sit at the back and laugh and tok to the guys la..den..the guys are so tired becos of riding too long...so we jus da qi loh haha jia you jia you haha..jian fei!!haha we all laugh man!!it was so fun...

when we reach the bedok jetty..we rested..coz the two poor guys very tired haha!!their piku pain hahah!!den we all share one pathetic seat..so we were back to back with each other and tok..tok abt jokes ghost stories..and stars...wow ytd got alot of stars lehz!!!!jun was riding den i looking above e sky all the way...the stars are so beautiful!!!den we teased each other la...they are so funnie..eventhough the chalet left the four of us...we enjoyed alot...we are all laughing all the time..ahaha!!

den we decided to play game coz we were so bored..so we play 21 dian..not gamble la..den play bluff..haha ah jun dunno how to play den he keep losing..den darren use the same old trick..haha..put fake one first den put real wan haha..den ah jun blur blur go and open the real wan haha!!den take all the cards..we luff at him...somemore..loser have to eat food..and we were all so full haha!!den ah jun keep losing..so he gotta eat..and den..he sae[i cannot liao..u all ask me do wad i do..i dun wan eat liao]so felicia sae...okie..u act like glorila..and let us take a pic..and serve us drink..and ah jun did la..tt call ren du fu shu haha!!den we luff at him...haha..and he really look like glorila..haha!!we really had fun loh haha so funny the ppl haha!

oh..ytd i was at my fren birthday party..waa..i met my pri school fren..eh actually of pri sch wan..haha..but one is augustine..he changed alot..he is my pri sch..table partner..haha..maths very good..rem e time when i sae augustine..i dunno how to do...teach me..but well he din..he help me do instead..haha..den he always bring tissue to sch and i always take frm him haha!!but this guy here change alot..even in character..worsen?ahaha..see me one time after 4 years..somehow like me liao..is he mad?haha..but well i din care much ahha!this type of thing im not interested..r/s is nth..

ppl ask me..all the time..and i really mean all the time..why u dun wanna get attached..why?dun you feel lonely..feel insecure..feel..aiya this and that la..den i was like..firstly..i had nv think that i will feel lonely b4..after my last r/s 2 years back..after tt person who ask me..i feel quite affected and i keep asking myself dun i feel lonely?or wadeva..sometimes i really feel lonely..jus like others..wanna get attached all that..but i cant just do that.wan attach den attach..im not mad...think wan to start r/s so ez mehz..u like me i like u can be together mehz..have to think alot of thing wan..for me..i will think loh..can he take care of me..can he be able be there for me..is he a responsible person..this and that..alot of thing and that coz me to stay away from r/s...but i cant stop myself if i like someone else..even if i like this someone..we wun be together also..sometimes...it just hurts me so much..wan a bf but think better not...scared if he is not responsible...unfaithful..all that..alot..but well..im not afraid to sae that i have a guy whom i fancy..and its abt the 10th month since the first day i like him..but i wun wan to be together with him..and i think he don't even know how i feel abt him..we just sms..well..i dun mind jus being frenz..oso wun die ma..i would rather be frens with him..i just wan a frenship with him...liking him don't mean that he must be mine wad..well..somemore i dun think he is a christian..tt sadden me..haha..but well..if he is not..then he is not gonna be mine loh..sometime i really wish to let him know how i feel..but..i still wan the frenship..so i jus keep it loh..haha..i wun die oso..haha..i dun wanna lose a wonderful fren jus likedat..sigh..but well..no worries...i will not get attached de..after the last..im super hurt man..i might not wan a r/s....till i feel im able or i wan...but not now...eventhough my heart yearns for this person..but..cant means cant..to this person whom i fancy..sometimes it really hurts me when i think of you..well its seems like a routine already..everyday u will somehow crossed my mind..and i mean really everyday loh..i feel hurt everyday loh..i feel sad everydae coz of the way im missing u..but...i wun die..coz i still got ppl tt love me..haha!!God,my cgl and my frenz..i will still feel love!!is jus that..sometime wan to feel the love that i have not have yet loh..but well...tt isn't the time..and im patient enough to wait..haha!when u are not in singapore..i would even wonder..how are u doing..wad are u doing..i was like telling myself..wad sia...im mad man..haha..but...10month is not a ez thing..i do still struggle..but sometimes i might feel like crying..but..i tel u..i dun cry easily wan kayz..haha..so i'll just let it be...we will be frenz forever!

oh..back to the chalet..thank gym that jim went home..haha...

i gotta end here...entrryyy too long le..will lastly..i miss you..

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hello..im here again..hmm im so bored at home now so i decided to blog here..hmm..later im going back to novena to return my nametag..sigh..i cant believe that i actually forget to bring nametag along with me ytd..sigh..after returning the nametag..gotta meet yayi at bugis to get present for choonmei..today is her birthday..after going for her party...i gotta go to east coast for darren's chalet..really very sorry to darren that i cant accompany his gf to get the foodstuff..the time just couldnt click as i have to attend choonmei's celebration...

ytd was at the seminar..i was so awake at the seminar..cant believe it as it was like a 4 hrs bible seminar..and i just sat there and listen to wad pastor is teaching abt..the ANTINOMIANs.antinomianism...

haha know what...ytd i saw this guy.in our church..he is either from nyp or tp de..he is the xiao chao..haha..actually he dun look bad la..quite handsome looking..he is a breakdancer..wow not bad worz..haha..shar told me he is the xiao chao..i was like waaaa...really..waaa...so handsome..den shar whack my head haha!

jason pierced his ear haha..at least he look better..dun look so nerd liao haha!dun play play..ppl sergent lai de lehz...but ord liao haa!!

so bored lehz..arGHhgHH..-waiting for that precious thots to call me-sigh..they say will call me during the 1st week of dec but haven call me..sigh..well todae onli 2nd dae of dec haha!

three more days to wilson's bdae..wad should i get him..sigh..think i will only get him a belated bdae present..no money now..haven get pay sigh...

i dunno why i just miss my gong gong worz..i think of him everyday..i would even wonder if he's alive wad might he be doing now..sigh...i wan to see himmmmmmmmm....

[[i miss my dear gong gong so much.................]]